Shai Bramson
I knew I was attracted to boys. By the age of thirteen, it felt clear that something had to be done about it - Shai Bramson's testimony
"I wanted to change my fate, but it didn’t work."
"I grew up in a religious environment that believed God—blessed be He—did not accept homosexuality. I wanted to change so I could follow the path I believed was expected of me: marriage, children, and a family like everyone else’s. I didn’t know of any other models for religious gay lives, and I didn’t understand this as a distinct identity. I only knew that I was drawn to boys.
I was anxious and afraid—afraid of my future, afraid of being discovered. Ideologically, it felt deeply wrong to me, an obstacle standing in the way of the life I had imagined. When I realized that my attractions were seen as a problem, I began searching for solutions and found people who claimed they could treat it. I wanted to understand what was happening to me and to try, somehow, to change this fate."
"It's not possible to be both gay and religious. Gays are lonely and suicidal and have sexually transmitted diseases.
It's something I didn't want to be a part of." Shai Bramson (Photo: Rotem Shavit)
"There was the approach that looked for childhood traumas that might have caused it. Relationships with father and mother that caused it, criminal tendencies in the family, taking drugs or someone alcoholic. He wanted me to watch porn and explain to him how I masturbate."
"He said that it was possible to change and that if I didn't change, it was only because of my unwillingness to change. It was impossible to be both gay and religious. Gays go to Tel Aviv and dance naked on a truck in the Pride parade. They are lonely and suicidal and have sexually transmitted diseases. I believed him because I didn't know Tel Aviv at all. It was very scary. It was something I didn't want to be a part of."
"I realized that it wasn't working. When I knew with inner certainty that I wanted to but it wasn't working, I said, 'Let's end it all.' I wanted to end my life. I told good friends because I felt like I was exploding inside. It became known to the community and I suffered from abuse. I was afraid that it would reach my family."
Today, Shai Bramson is the chairman of Hevrata and the initiator and director of the 'Center for Combating Conversion'
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