However, when religious LGBT people do find the courage and strength to seek therapeutic help, they encounter a difficult task. On the one hand, there is difficulty in approaching secular therapists out of a feeling that they do not know or understand the ethical and Torah discourse of the religious world. Secular therapists also have difficulty dealing with this issue. Many secular therapists told me that they do not understand why religious gays insist on remaining in their religious identity and in a religious community that does not recognize them. In addition, they do not know how to relate to the halakhic prohibition, which they perceive as primitive and anachronistic.

 

On the other hand, many religious therapists have difficulty treating religious gays and lesbians because of the halakhic issue that prohibits this behavior. I personally encountered a striking example of this during my years of study at the school of social work for a master's degree. As part of our training, we were introduced to a religious clinical sex therapist who treats the religious and ultra-Orthodox community. This therapist sees many couples and individuals who are dealing with sexual difficulties. She encounters people who violate a variety of religious prohibitions, such as viewing pornography, masturbation, family purity, and the like. However, she made it clear to our group that treating homosexual couples is taboo for her, because of the halakhic prohibition.

 

The alternative treatment option often offered by family and friends for religious homosexuals is conversion therapy through the "Asat Nefesh" organization, which offers a predetermined treatment agenda.

 

"Atzat Nefesh" does not offer reliable research statistics regarding its success rates, but rather writes general things that are not based on real research. On the other hand, the only statistics I found regarding this organization in Israel are given by Rabbi Ron Yosef, 38, a homosexual himself and the head of the Hod organization. The reliability of this data can be questioned, since it was collected by a homosexual man and it can be argued that he has an agenda. However, since we do not have other data, I think that this data should be taken seriously. Rabbi Yosef claims that of the 291 applicants he studied who were in "Etesat Nefesh", 94 got married in the belief that "it will pass", but 59 of them divorced or are in the process of getting divorced. 30 people defined the treatment as a success, while 261 as a failure. 248 people stated that there was no change in their attitude after the treatment, 24 said that they were now more attracted to women, while 19 reported losing all sexual desire. The applicants invested 5,000–10,000 NIS in treatment, after which many reported that they suffered from depression. Prolonged, self-hatred, impaired sexual function and desire, and a crisis of faith. Only 55 people subsequently consulted a qualified psychologist. 57% of the patients eventually returned with the question (Halut, 2012).

 

Although no serious research has been conducted in Israel on the success of conversion therapy, various statistics and studies on the effectiveness of conversion therapy have been conducted mainly in the United States. In 2007, a committee was established by the American Psychological Association (APA) to examine the issue of conversion therapy in relation to homosexuals. The organization issued a 130-page report that examined, among other things, the claims of success of religious organizations in the United States, which are equivalent to the Israeli "Asat Nefesh" and claim that sexual orientation can be changed through therapy and corrections based on religion.

 

The committee begins the report by stating that homosexual sexual orientation was a normal and positive variation of human sexual orientation as a whole. Homosexual sexual orientation is not a mental disorder and the organization condemns any discriminatory perception of this population.

The report refers to recent studies (from the 2000s onwards) that were based mainly on white men with homosexual tendencies who claimed that religion was an important and significant component of their identity. These individuals reported that they had undergone a variety of treatments, both religious and secular, in order to change their sexual identity and reported severe psychological distress as a result of these treatments. The studies revealed that many reported that they were harmed by these conversion treatments and that the treatments increased the distress and depression they felt. The belief that these treatments would change their sexual orientation for them and the failure they felt as a result of their failure to change caused a negative self-image and great stress.

In addition, the committee refers to studies that began in the 1960s, most of which were conducted before 1978. The committee concluded that most studies in the field of sexual orientation change contain research flaws. Few studies can be considered methodologically sound. The conclusion that can be drawn from these studies is that there are individuals who have learned how to ignore or not act on their sexual orientation. However, these studies did not indicate for what type of people this option is possible, how long this behavior lasted, or what the long-term psychological consequences and effects are on these people.

 

The APA concludes the report by calling on mental health professionals to help people seeking sexual change in a different way – by implementing therapy that is patient-centered; that recognizes the negative impact of stigma and discrimination against sexual minorities; that takes into account the values ​​of justice and dignity of every person and the ethical principle of “doing no harm to the patient.” (For the full report).

 

The American organization's conclusions were also adopted by the Israeli Psychological Association, which claimed that conversion therapy has been found to cause psychological, social, and even physiological harm. Furthermore, any conversion therapy that is based on the assumption that homosexuality is a mental illness is problematic. Not only is there no scientific evidence for the effectiveness of conversion therapy, but there is also evidence of risks associated with this type of therapy, including: depression, anxiety, and suicide.

 

In conclusion, it turns out that there is a lack of appropriate responses for boys and men, girls and women, and their families who are dealing with the complex identity of homosexual religiosity. Furthermore, despite the positive social changes regarding the LGBT community in general, studies indicate that religious LGBT people are still at increased risk for mental difficulties, and that this is not changing. The risk that this population is at is not improving because discrimination and pressure arising from the environment constitute factors for mental risk. In this context, parents enter as a possible support factor. Many studies indicate the importance of parental support in the emotional regulation and self-image of adolescents in general and LGBT adolescents in particular (Ryan, Huebner, Diaz & Sanchez, 2009). Support from parents for their adolescent children significantly reduces the negative psychological consequences of distress due to revelations of negative labeling, stigma, and discrimination (Pardes, Katz, & Kowalski, 2011). However, unfortunately, both secular and religious parents often have difficulty supporting their children during or after their coming out (for more on parents' reactions to their children's coming out, see Mack's book, 2009), as they are preoccupied with their own grief and disappointment and have difficulty reconciling the child's or adolescent's realistic identity with the fantasy they have projected onto their children, which includes: marriage to a heterosexual partner and establishing a home with children.

 

I recommend that those of you who decide, despite everything, to go for conversion therapy for your own reasons, do so with your eyes open and ask clear questions: Find out who the therapist is? What is his professional certification? What method does he use? What are the chances of success that he knows? What are his definitions of success? And for how many years has the supposed success been tested, and on what basis does he base this data? Unfortunately, many therapists deal with the complex psyche without appropriate training and without guidance for this.

 

The Talmudic article in Sanhedrin 37 writes: "Therefore, man was created alone, to teach you that whoever loses one soul of Israel, the Scripture is brought upon him as if he had lost an entire world, and whoever saves one soul of Israel, the Scripture is brought upon him as if he had saved an entire world." In my opinion, this view is not only a religious position but also a moral and ethical position, to which every person is obligated. The duty to help and be kind to a person who is in mental distress applies to the person's environment as well as to the person himself. Parents who see that their child is in distress are obligated to help him by providing a support system, even if they themselves are unable to give the child this support for religious, emotional or social reasons. At the same time, the man or woman who feels distress that leads them to depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts should also try to find ways to help themselves by receiving appropriate assistance in order to protect their souls, as it is said, "And you shall be very careful for your souls."

 

Dr. Irit Koren is a clinical therapist (MSW) with a clinic in Modi'in, specializing in treating religious LGBT people. Dr. Koren is the author of the book: "A Closet Within a Closet: Stories of Religious Gays and Lesbians" (2003, Yedioth Ahronoth). For more information: korenirit.com.