Why am I not sure about my sexual orientation?
Sometimes the hesitation stems from a conflict, tension, between your feelings and your desires, or the way you were raised and educated. Sometimes this tension is accompanied by sexual and romantic experiences that only increase your confusion. Often, the confusion affects the feelings and leads to increasing stress, great anxiety, and more. The stress and anxiety only cause more confusion, and thus a cycle of stress is created, which leads to paralysis, depression, and distress. The way out of this cycle lies in correct knowledge, one that resolves doubts and helps to understand what is going on with me, what is right for me, and where I should go.
 

What is the difference between sexual orientation and sexual identity?

These concepts are found in the media, literature, and science, and are often perceived as the same. But there is a difference between them: sexual orientation is an emotional or sexual attraction that is inherent in a person and, according to science, is probably innate. In contrast, sexual identity is the way in which a person identifies or belongs socially, in relation to that orientation.
Therefore, the fact that a person has a homosexual orientation does not mean that he will adopt a homosexual identity, and may choose to adapt his lifestyle to heterosexual expectations and outwardly broadcast a heterosexual identity, including a relationship with a partner of the opposite sex.
After a person recognizes his sexual identity, he will go through several stages until he develops a homosexual identity. First, develop a positive attitude towards that orientation. Then, strengthening the connection with members of the gay community or its institutions. From here, the continuation will usually be the beginning of a process of coming out until finally all aspects of the person's self live in harmony with the orientation. In this way, a process that begins with sexual orientation and ends with sexual identity is completed.

*Based on a text on the topic "Sexual orientation and sexual identity - what is the difference?" From Dr. Eyal Zak's website, and with his approval

What is the origin of sexual orientation?

Surprisingly as it may sound, science to this day does not know the origin of a person's sexual orientation. This refers to any sexual orientation, including heterosexual. Although this is widely discussed, and although there are theories on the subject, it is still not possible to speak of a comprehensive theory that can provide a satisfactory explanation for the phenomenon.

What is known? It is a scale, the orientation cannot be changed by various means, and this orientation is no different from heterosexual orientation and is not the result of a defect in sexual maturation.

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*You can read more about the knowledge of the origin of orientation and its implications in treatments in an article by Ze'ev Shebidel, which can be found on the website under Research and Professional Knowledge.
 

What is conversion therapy?

Conversion therapy is a treatment with a clear and specific goal - changing sexual orientation from homosexuality to a more heterosexual place on the scale. The treatments are carried out both individually and in groups, and their common camp is the definition of sexual orientation as something that must be cured. How sexual orientation is 'treated' in these treatments varies. There are physical treatments that are less commonly used today. Even among 'conventional' practitioners, there is a variety, from behavioral methods to psychoanalytic methods. It should be emphasized: the fact that the treatment is a recognized and approved treatment for a wide variety of other issues does not mean that it is not a conversion treatment or a practice that endangers the patient. Often the situation is the opposite, and a skilled therapist can cause more damage by recognized methods that can harm and injure the soul even more. The analogy is to a surgeon who performs a negligent operation with a disposable knife or a scalpel. The potential for damage of the latter is much higher than that of the former.

If so, then what treatment is correct?
Any treatment that accepts the orientation as a given condition and not as a condition that must be changed during treatment. Of course, in certain periods and ages the orientation can be far from reach, and therapy can set itself the goal of reaching inner peace and better understanding what the person's orientation is, but it should be emphasized that conversion treatments are sometimes disguised under names such as 'clarification of sexual orientation', and the simple way to understand whether this is a real clarification or conversion therapy is whether the therapist accepts homosexuality as a legitimate orientation.
Legitimate therapy that does refer to sexual orientation usually takes two forms. The first is to help with self-acceptance and the accompaniment of the process of coming out of the closet in front of the immediate and distant environment. The second is the accompaniment of a patient who is not ready to come out of the closet and help and provide relief for life in the closet.

Do conversion therapies work?
First, it should be emphasized that conversion therapies are ineffective and even harmful, and in the research section you can see several studies that indicate this. This is also the position of the leading health organizations in Israel. If so, what are those 'successes' that are usually mobilized for the benefit of Conversion therapists? They can be divided into three:

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  1.    Lies. This is a real industry of people who lie about the success of their treatment. Sometimes the lies are done openly, but usually under a false name and an identity that cannot be verified. Recently, the head of the Association of Conversion Organizations in the United States was convicted of a crime for his role in this industry. You can read about it here

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  2.    Deceptive goal marking. Sometimes a specific goal is marked that at first glance seems to indicate success, but on closer inspection it is manipulation. An example of this is setting marriage as a goal and meeting it as success. Supposedly, a person who marries a member of the opposite sex indicates a change that has occurred within him that allowed him to do so. But this is a deception: there is no connection between sexual activity, let alone social activity that does not necessarily indicate sexual activity, and the orientation itself. A person after treatment can be under self-persuasion deep enough to marry a member of the opposite sex.

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  3.    Bisexuality is denied. Sometimes bisexuals are presented as people who have changed their sexual orientation. This issue is divided into two: Sometimes therapists take cases of bisexuality and present them as cases of a change in sexual orientation from homosexuality to heterosexuality, when usually there is no real change in the patient. Another case of deception is a bisexual who comes to treatment when they are convinced that they are homosexual, but during treatment, they remember and experience a more diverse sexual orientation.
In conclusion, conversion therapy does not work and sexual orientation cannot be changed in the treatment room. Sometimes therapists set wrong goals, lie or are not precise in order to convince that the treatment they offer is effective.
 

What damage can conversion therapy cause?

In the personal stories section, you can see testimonies from people who have been harmed by these treatments. As mentioned, these treatments are ineffective, and if so, the first and immediate damage is financial. These treatments usually cost hundreds of shekels per session and take a long time to conduct. This is a significant financial expense, and the exploitation of the patients' innocence and willingness to change for the sake of a fortune in fraud. However, there are also direct and indirect damages in the field of mental health. Behavioral treatments can create alienation between the person and their inclination, and psychoanalytic treatments can turn more and more forces in the patient's soul against themselves. Finally, this is a significant investment in creating long-term damage in the mental realm instead of investing, financially and temporarily, in self-acceptance and treatment that leads to self-fulfillment.
 

Is there a religious obligation to go for conversion therapy?

As mentioned, conversion therapy does not work, so there is no mitzvah or obligation to go for it according to halakhah. Furthermore, some rabbis have addressed the potential harm inherent in these treatments and therefore banned them, as can be read about in the halakhic section.